drowning

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are drowning? Not literally. But just the feeling that you can't catch a break and you'll never catch up?

2 steps forward. 15 back.

It's become the story of my life.

I'm not sure what exactly causes it but I wish it'd go away. For once, I'd just like something to go MY way. I just wish God didn't trust me so much sometimes. And most of all, I wish the devil would get the heck out of my life and learn to leave well enough alone. I know things can't go my way though. They have to go God's way...according to God's big plan (which, I'm still patiently waiting to see what God has in store for me cause surely, it's got to get better than this, right? ok, maybe not.) God has big plans for us all and He chooses when to reveal them. Sometimes, it's all at once. Other times, it's in "teasers". And then the devil has to come meddling around where he don't belong. And then what happens? You get in this rut. Which is exactly where I've been for the last 3 months. Usually wallowing in self pity. Which causes me to stress. And my acne to flip out. And for me to have ugly and fat days. And...well, I'm sure you see where this is going. I'm sure you've been here, too, and I'm sure you have the welcome wagon ready. If not, when you get there, call me. I'll bring the welcome wagon.

I think it's a lack of faith that causes us to get like this. We think "Oh hey, I've got this. I'm running this show." and then you get this big ego and that's when satan swoops in and starts causing problems. I'm SO glad I have my Beth Moore bible study. It's helped me tremendously! Not to mention, it's been spring-like this week and winter is usually when I get stuck in these ruts. It's amazing what sitting in some sunshine can do. Have you ever just gone outside and sat down and looked up at the clear blue sky and just prayed? Talk about some good medicine for the soul! I need to do that more often. I always find such peace and I can't describe it.

I feel like life is that Tom Petty song "Learning to Fly" (I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing) Coming down is when we realize just how much we need God driving our lives. No one said it'd be easy. They just said it'd be worth it. And letting God be in control is totally worth it.

I'm going to end with a verse from Proverbs. That book is, by far, my most favorite book of the bible. Proverbs has the answers to everything that life brings to you.

"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." Proverbs 16:1