soapbox time

It's been a while since my soapbox and I have spent some good quality time together. I have missed it terribly. It seems that it's a good time to visit it. I'll hit the high notes.

1. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm not sure exactly how many times I have to say this but COME ON.
2. Common sense. Learn to use it.
3. Silence is golden. Try it sometimes.
4. Sometimes you say more by saying less. I know that's a hard concept for some people, but I sure wish they'd try it sometime soon.
5. Do not mistake my kindness as weakness.
6. Do not mistake my smile as forgiveness.

This is all for now. I'm just getting warmed up though.

I'm back, yo

I'm back, yo.

I always fail at blogging.

I'm not sure why. I really do enjoy writing about whatever pops into my mind.

I need to get back into the habit of doing it. Along with walking, blogging helps me clear my mind. Which helps me sleep. And yes, that means I'm not sleeping again. So, I've started to eliminate things out of my life. For the next 40 days, I'm not going to eat fast food or drink any soda. And I'm trying to read more before bed instead of watching TV.

I'm going to learn to start taking care of myself. I put others before me and I can't keep doing that. I'm at a low point in life and I have to take care of me first.

"Whatever you are, be a good one" Abraham Lincoln

Surfacing

I think I can finally see the surface of things. If you are confused, go back a couple of posts to my "drowning" blog.

I'm not sure what it is, but things are slowly getting better. Which, is a relief. I've been praying a lot lately. As in, more than usual. Things at work feel a lot better. Not 100% but it's better than what it has been. I've been able to plow through my to do lists and get a lot of big orders done and out of the way. I still have a lot to do. But, I'm starting to see the corner of my desk since the pile is slowly disappearing. I just hate doing EVERYTHING there. I have no help. It's okay sometimes since I work well by myself, but with everything that I have to do and then doing everything else, it's SO overwhelming. It's so hard to keep up with everything and do everything. Something has got to give.

It also helped that the sun was out practically all weekend. And, I wore flip flops when I wasn't working. It was nice! I had to paint my toenails though. That chore, clearly, should be left to the professionals. Up close, they look terrible, but in flip flops, they looked decent instead of what they did look like.

So, for now, things seem better. There is hope. And, as always, God is good!

24 months

24 months ago, I experienced death for the first time. Sure, I knew people who passed and had great grandparents and great aunts pass, but this was the first time that anyone close to me had passed away. Sherry was an amazing woman and taught me everything that I know at my current job. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be so successful at it now and I wouldn't keep pushing on despite that drowning feeling I talked about in yesterday's blog. 2 years has passed. Sometimes, it feels like it's been 10 years. And others, it feels like I just got that 1 a.m. phone call yesterday. I look back and wonder what things would be like today if she was still here. Would business be doing even better than it is now? Would there be this much fighting and chaos in the office? And more importantly, what would I have learned from this amazing woman in these last 2 years? She taught me so much. She is someone that I will carry with me through my entire life. She didn't let cancer slow her down and she traveled everywhere she possibly could. I'm so glad that Israel was her last trip with her grandsons. It was the last thing she wanted to do before she died. She taught me to keep on keeping on. And for that, I'm thankful. I miss her terribly.

drowning

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are drowning? Not literally. But just the feeling that you can't catch a break and you'll never catch up?

2 steps forward. 15 back.

It's become the story of my life.

I'm not sure what exactly causes it but I wish it'd go away. For once, I'd just like something to go MY way. I just wish God didn't trust me so much sometimes. And most of all, I wish the devil would get the heck out of my life and learn to leave well enough alone. I know things can't go my way though. They have to go God's way...according to God's big plan (which, I'm still patiently waiting to see what God has in store for me cause surely, it's got to get better than this, right? ok, maybe not.) God has big plans for us all and He chooses when to reveal them. Sometimes, it's all at once. Other times, it's in "teasers". And then the devil has to come meddling around where he don't belong. And then what happens? You get in this rut. Which is exactly where I've been for the last 3 months. Usually wallowing in self pity. Which causes me to stress. And my acne to flip out. And for me to have ugly and fat days. And...well, I'm sure you see where this is going. I'm sure you've been here, too, and I'm sure you have the welcome wagon ready. If not, when you get there, call me. I'll bring the welcome wagon.

I think it's a lack of faith that causes us to get like this. We think "Oh hey, I've got this. I'm running this show." and then you get this big ego and that's when satan swoops in and starts causing problems. I'm SO glad I have my Beth Moore bible study. It's helped me tremendously! Not to mention, it's been spring-like this week and winter is usually when I get stuck in these ruts. It's amazing what sitting in some sunshine can do. Have you ever just gone outside and sat down and looked up at the clear blue sky and just prayed? Talk about some good medicine for the soul! I need to do that more often. I always find such peace and I can't describe it.

I feel like life is that Tom Petty song "Learning to Fly" (I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing) Coming down is when we realize just how much we need God driving our lives. No one said it'd be easy. They just said it'd be worth it. And letting God be in control is totally worth it.

I'm going to end with a verse from Proverbs. That book is, by far, my most favorite book of the bible. Proverbs has the answers to everything that life brings to you.

"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." Proverbs 16:1

12 things to give up for just one day

Why hello there, blog world. It's me, Vicki. It's been a while since I wrote. Sometimes, I get on here at night and try to blog and nothing comes out. Sometimes, I get on here at night and I write out everything I want to say and simply delete it and it was purely to vent and scream at someone. And other times, I'm just too tired to write or, I'm sure you don't want to hear it.

While reading the new Glamour magazine I got in the mail today, I stumbled across a page titled:

"12 things to give up for just one day"

Let's study these, shall we?

1) "The headphones that blog out the entire-wow, is that what a bird sounds like?"
Obviously wouldn't apply to me. I don't understand people who listen to their iPod 24/7.

2) "Those wobbly heels, the full-body Spanx, the bag big enough to hold a small child-anything you wear that hurts!"
Not that I wear heels often, but how do people do that everyday? And the Spanx. DON'T BUY IT. It was the worst $75 I ever spent. I should put that in ebay or something. As for the bag, I've known to have a big bag in my day, but never a "Mary Poppins" bag (as I like to call them). You know, I have to admit, I live for days when I can wake up and not worry about having to straighten my hair and do my makeup. Those are some of my best days. If you haven't tried it, maybe you should.

3) "The second Jager Bomb. Actually, the first."
I don't do Jager Bombs so it's all good. Jager gets you tore up quick. It's bad. Real bad.

4) "Being so superwoman-y that you forget to even taste the lunch you're eating over your keyboard."
Now this is right up my alley. I can't tell you how many days a month...er...week that I rush through lunch and get back to work. I should move this to the top of my to-do list every day. I'm not superwoman. Someone needs to take the pink, sparkly cape away from me.

5) "Saying 'yes' when you're feeling 'no'"
Again, right up my alley. I need to add the word "NO" (and all forms it could be used in) to my vocabulary.

6) "Slouching. Also: Wallowing."
I slouch a lot while sitting, walking, sleeping, you name it. I should fix this. No one likes a hunchback. (Sorry, Disney) As for wallowing, I've been known to wallow in self pity. I try not to but I'm human and a young woman. It happens.

7) "Texting. Isn't your little sister's voice so nice?"
WHAT?! That's my main form of communication to the outside world. Giving up texting would result in a tragic outcome for me. BUT. Think of how nice it would be. One of these days, I'm going to turn off my phone and not use it at all. And no FB either. Going dark would be nice.

8) "Your fear of flying. Take a deep breath (and by "deep breath", we just might mean "Ambien") and go somewhere amazing."
This seriously blows my mind. I've been flying since I was 3 months old. I actually find flying quite relaxing. I'm just curious why people don't like flying? Thoughts?

9) "Processed foods. Just to prove you can."
This one intrigues me. I've heard of people doing it and losing a lot of weight. They don't eat fast food or anything out of a box. I'm going to do more research and get back to you on this...I think I may just try it one weekend.

10) "Procrastinating. And, no, you can't put that off till next month."
I'm the queen of this at work. I need to manage my time better so I can enjoy my lunch and snacks and not procrastinate.

11) "Rolling your eyes. Difficult, but extremely effective."
I'm SO guilty of this, especially at work. I usually walk in rolling my eyes.

12) "Your birth control. HAHA. WE KID."
My acne would be terrible if I did.

So, there you have it folks, a blog entry from yours truly. I'm going to try some of these and I'll report back with how they went.

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person is struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."

blog fail

I seriously fail at this.

My "Chase the Lion" growth group is going as well as to be expected. It's small. Just me and 2 other couples...one of which, her husband usually isn't there because of work. I feel like a crappy leader because there isn't many people, but on the flipside, we are all really close and we've all really opened up to each other. It's nice!

Other than that, things are decent. Life is stressful. But what else is new? I'm not going to complain because that doesn't help anything. So, I'll just keep on keeping on. Surely it gets better than this and I'm sure there is some silverlining in this somewhere. It'll appear soon enough.